she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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