So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
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The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
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Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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