I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
