I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
