I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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