i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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