so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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