I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
