Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
