Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
