you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
