Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
