I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
