i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
