there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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