i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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