I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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