I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
