like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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