so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
