why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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