Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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