i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If I die, sorry about rent.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
