Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
