They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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