My friends, they love my intelligence
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
