Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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