How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
