Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
