now i know why i became what i already was.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
