Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Do vagina's smell?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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