Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
