The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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