Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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