You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
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He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
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I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize