dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize