you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
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Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
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I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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