wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
