my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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