He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
its not stalking. its research.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
