Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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