I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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