recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
