getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
