So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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