I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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