Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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