Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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