so that wasnt chicken after all
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
