Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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