I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
