Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
