Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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