sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
