we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
