She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
