Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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