I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
