you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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