apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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