i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
