The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
