What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
