So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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