Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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