the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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