As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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