Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
