is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
