Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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