Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Bring me that man meat
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
