the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
