And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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