Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
