i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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