I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
